Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
