It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
