I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They took my balls.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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