she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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