I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
