$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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