When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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