She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
