Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
