this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
