soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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