Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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