WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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