if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
