I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize