Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
