I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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