ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
