I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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