Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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