hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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