Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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