absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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