no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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