Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
