I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
