Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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