we made out on top of his cat.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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