he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
