I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
