I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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