I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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