So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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