He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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