Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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