you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
