he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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