You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Alive.
So much puke
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
