My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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