I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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