Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
