There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
