Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
