Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We talked him into tasing himself.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
