Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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