If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
