I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
