Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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