is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
