just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
