Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
