He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Randomize
