I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
