Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
