if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
