my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
