Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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