woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
