dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
