in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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