Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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