Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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