We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
