I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
