garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
