Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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