We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
