The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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