My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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