omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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