what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
