i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
