We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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